In the Depths

[Princess Emmaline Carlisle]

Emma stood at the lakeside at a remove from the camp that served to house the Court during the Festival, gazing out across the glassy surface while she tossed pebbles in to disturb that perfection. In a way, she supposed she ought to despite the place; it had been the beginning of the disaster that was now her shattered betrothal. Who knew the man had no sense of humor, and took everything so personally that he allowed it to consume him to the point of disgrace and dishonor? She shook her head, sinking to sit on a fallen log, wondering what she was supposed to do or feel.

Oh true, she knew she deserved to be angry and hurt. What woman wouldn't be when she learned the man she was supposed to marry would rather attack his own loyal men, abandon his family and flee than marry? Sighing, she let the pebbles slide through her fingers. There was no point, and no solace, in marring the lake's surface. It did nothing to fill the hollow void that served as her emotions right now, and it didn't make her feel any less... less. Simply put, Emma felt less. Less of a Princess, less of a woman, less... Emma. Had she truly been such an unbearable horror that Nikolai couldn't bear to stay?

Or had it all been a lie? That was the question. Had his assurances, his heartfelt outpouring been little more than artful deception meant to lull her into a false sense that he wanted this, was willing to start over, only to disprove every decent thought she had about him? Emma scowled into the water, no more able to see through the murky depths than she had been to see the real man. And the realization frankly galled her. By the Triad, she'd been a damned fool.

Tempting as it might be to flee, she had duties she could not abandon. One of them had to be an adult, and Emma knew that her father and brothers were relying upon her to host the Archery Tourney. It would be terribly rude, not to mention unfair, to postpone such an eagerly awaited competition, though she dreaded facing Anya and Katya. What was she supposed to say to them? "Oh, it's alright, no harm done, your brother didn't do anything wrong"? As far as she was concerned, she never wanted to see them again. For all she knew, they were privy to Nikolai's plans.

No. No. That was unkind and unfair. There was no sign or indication that either lady was a party to Nikolai's plot. Emma would just have to bear down, play the perfect Princess and put on a bravely noble, pleasant face. Fortunately, her thoughts and feelings were her own, but she was too well-trained not to be able to play nicely despite those thoughts and feelings. That didn't mean she had to like them, or that she would heal from this any time soon. Tears refused to come, never rising past a thick lump in her throat.

She wished she could find her anger, instead of feeling lost in the depths so dark they defied any glimmer of light...


Prince Riordan Carlisle

[Prince Riordan Carlisle]

Riordan could only imagine what his sister was feeling. Or could he? Was it even remotely possible? Probably not. He had never been put in her particular position. He had personally faced the loss of his Crown, so to speak, but that was different. He had overcome that through perseverance, a determination that he could be a better man because he chose to be that man. He had come out a better person. Now her sister was hurting. He hoped that the pain would heal, but he was wise enough to realize that such healing would not occur overnight. It would take time.

He was quite as he approached her, but he made certain to put himself in her peripheral vision. He had no interest in startling her. As he made his approach, he glanced over over the lake, noting the very faint ripple that the pebbles had produced. "It's amazing, isn't it?" He said quietly, "Such a small stone can have a long reach in its effect on the water. There's probably something there that could be applied to people."

With a light sigh, he settled down on the log beside her. He gazed at her before putting an arm around her. "I'm here for you, Emma."

Princess Emmaline Carlisle

[Princess Emmaline Carlisle]

Seeing Riordan approach her carefully, Emma glanced over her shoulder at her brother. She knew why he was there - to tender his sympathy and offer his support. That was just how he was, but right now, she didn't want pity or sympathy. She wanted... she didn't know what she wanted. With a sigh, she leaned into him, the weight of his arm feeling like a protective mantle that was comfortable. Emma rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, feeling the lump rise in her throat despite the fact that her eyes stayed dry.

Silent for a few minutes, she debated what to say, then decided there was no good way to open the conversation. "I guess Aunt Fiona is worried about me. She's afraid I'll do something rash or stupid, when honestly, Riordan," she looked up at him bleakly, "I just feel empty. I want to be mad, I want to be in a rage and swear revenge, but I can't even cry. I don't know what I did that was so wrong, or how I failed so much."

[Prince Riordan Carlisle]

Emma was reacting exactly the way that he had predicted she would. He supposed that he knew her better than he allowed himself to believe. She was a woman with a beautiful heart and it showed on her face. But not now. That heart was clearly broken. It would heal. He told himself it would heal. He convinced himself. He only hoped that he was right. "Of course she's worried for you," he said quietly with a soft smile, "She loves you."

"Sounds a bit like ... you were shocked. Shocked that it would have gone this far. None of us, and I mean none of us, could have predicted this was the way he was going to act. It was deplorable. I've been kicking myself for not seeing it, you know." A hand ran through his hair in frustration. "But that is why no one is at fault but him."

[Princess Emmaline Carlisle]

"Love? Aunt Fiona? If it's love, then she has odd ways of showing it. She's more concerned for our reputation than anything." Realizing how harsh that sounded, Emma winced, then added, "I'm sorry. That was unkind, and untrue. I suppose I'm not myself right now." That part, at least, was undeniably true. Emma wasn't sure who she was right now. She'd tried to be herself, and look what happened. The question she was trying to face now was - who should she be in the future?

"Shocked? No, I'm not shocked by this. Disgusted, yes, but not shocked. What shocked me is how he misinterpreted everything I did and said from the start. I tried to give him a graceful out, you know." Dark eyes rose to meet her brother's bleakly. "He refused to take it, instead preferring this route. Which tells me he is an out and out liar. None of them can be trusted, and I hope Father sends them all packing."

[Prince Riordan Carlisle]

The harsh words of Fiona made him smile faintly, knowing that she would realize their rash nature. "Oh, but I do agree that she comes across that way. She's been a creature of the court her entire life. Why, I would not be surprised if she exited the womb dictating commands," he gave her sister a playful wink in an attempt to at least bring a smile to her face. "Scepter in hand and everything."

To send them all packing was a course of action he was not at all surprised to hear. "I don't think Father will banish them all. Nikolai will certainly be banished, but not the rest of them." He paused for a moment, "Do you remember when you caught me in bed with that Treniatan woman?" And by the Triad, what a fine specimen of feminine beauty she was. A pity she had no brains. "How disappointed, hurt and angry you were with me?" He nodded faintly, "I imagine that is about how Nikolai's siblings feel about him, but even worse."

[Princess Emmaline Carlisle]

"Perhaps she's wiser for it. Triad knows no one would ever be stupid enough to treat her poorly." There was something to be said for being feared, Emma was now realizing. The threat of dire recompense was a heavy, looming incentive to toe the correct line. Being pleasant and cordial only resulted in being taken for granted or worse. Her lips pursed as she shrugged his arm off and got to her feet, no smile forthcoming.

"Then if he doesn't banish them, it would be best for me to leave Demeria. I don't think I can make nice, nor stand to be further humiliated when Father allows Tristan to marry for little more than love." Emma knew she did her younger brother a disservice, but right now, she wasn't willing to be reasonable or forgiving. "Maybe I'll retire to that abbey in Shaleforth."

[Prince Riordan Carlisle]

Riordan gave her a sidelong glance at the idea of leaving Triadon or Demeria altogether. It was an understandable reaction, not wanting to deal with the people who offended her. He knew Emma was cognizant of her family's support, but right now, it wasn't going to be enough. She was too hurt and angry for anything else. Still, Emma raised a good point. Riordan was initially for the marriage, but in light of her words, maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all.

Triad, what a damned mess.

"I will support you however I can, Emma." She finally stated, "And I will always love you while doing so." He smiled at her, "You've done the same for me on countless occasions." He raised a finger in thought, "Perhaps time at the family estate in Meirin would be good, as well. Far enough away from Triadon for some solitude."

[Princess Emmaline Carlisle]

"I don't want your support, Riordan," her voice was rough. "I don't want to hear logic, reason, or politics. It's easy for you. It's easy for Tristan, neither of you have to hold your head up, knowing you're the best fodder for the gossip mill in years. Neither of you have to face the looks, the whispers, the questions of 'what did she do, what went wrong, is she really some sort of monster that he'd rather lie and run than stay?' Bah." Turning away, her anger was freshened as much by her thoughts as it was to realize he wasn't angry... and that hurt more.

"Well, if you think exile's the best answer, so be it. I'll have Natalie pack me up and be gone after I open the damned tourney." Her spine was taut and stiff, her tone cooling considerable. Support was not what she wanted, and Emma was beginning to understand that it was useless to ask for anything more when Riordan couldn't give it.

[Prince Riordan Carlisle]

At that, Riordan gave her a somewhat pained look. There was a great deal he wanted to say, but he refrained himself. "I ... I don't know what you want me to do, Emma. I want you to stay, I don't want you run away. I want you face down these damned Courtiers and show them that you were not the cause of all this. Because you weren't. At least, that's how I feel about it." He spread out his hands, "I want to punch Nikolai in the face. I want to tell the Sarkozsians to go packing."

He exhaled forcefully, "But I can't. I just... can't. I can't act on my emotion anymore, no matter how much I've want to. I've learned that lesson far too painfully to do anything less."

[Princess Emmaline Carlisle]

It cost her in effort not to turn and scream at him, not to lash out with all the fury and revulsion, and yes, jealousy that she felt. Riordan wasn't at fault. He was trying to be the man their father expected of him, the future King with an eye on the future. "So you go to the opposite extreme and rather than defend your sister, you want to let them stay and act like nothing happened? Oh, that's just splendid, and it tells me where I stand. Apparently, I'm nothing more than a place-holder, a pawn to be used for Father's and your gains?"

For once, she wanted nothing more than for someone - just one person - to be righteously angry for her, to burn with a need to defend her and be damned to the consequences. Emma knew it wasn't going to be Tristan. Her younger brother profited from this, why would he risk losing his precious Katya simply because his sister had been cast aside? And now, she understood it wasn't going to be Riordan either. She was on her own with this. Lifting a hand, she shook her head. "Fine. Do whatever you are going to do. I have packing to do."

Turning on a heel, she stalked for the treeline, intending to do just what she said.