A Little Chat Between Growing Friends

[Prince Nikolai Fyodorov]

"Agreed." A person with no emotional attachment to the situation was something Nik needed right now, no matter if the Carlisles were Sebastian's lieges. Nik disliked the thought of anyone judging him because he had chosen to wait and thus had no experience with women unrelated to him. So he appreciated it, Sebastian taking the time to listen to his problems. Nik only wished that he could do the same for his newfound friend and be helpful.

Deciphering actions when he had been drunk often was difficult -- this, on the other hand, required little decoding. Nikolai tapped his fingers on his glass as he spoke. "I wanted to be like other engaged couples," he stated. "She is attractive and altruistic, but eyes are on the walls." Translating that phrase from his own language was not the same. "I do not want the citizens of Demeria to think that the Crown Prince of Sarkozsy performs such lewd behavior in public."

[Lord Sebastian de Winter]

That was a good sign. Nikolai found Emmaline attractive and Sebastian could not blame him for such; the Princess was a lovely creature to behold. He knew he would definitely clam up around the woman and not just because she was a member of the royal family! "I can completely understand that stance. She is a good woman. From what I have seen and heard, she is intelligent, charitable and kindhearted woman. I can easily see her capable of performing good acts and suffrage for the less fortunate."

And then he looked over to her, "You want to be like engaged couples, which is good. And now I must ask you a difficult question, my friend and I am sorry. You did this when you were drunk. What happens when you are sober?"

[Prince Nikolai Fyodorov]

The pressure doubled when he was in the presence of Emmaline, given that she was the princess and his betrothed. Nikolai nodded, glad to know that other people in Demeria felt the same about her. She was a good woman, so the problem did not lie there, as of such. "Exactly, and I know the people of Sarkozsy will benefit greatly if she is to be their queen, so the alliance is doubled in importance." He withdrew his fingers to rest them on the arm of his chair.

A difficult question only in terms of the asker, perhaps. Nikolai shrugged. "I do my utmost to be courteous as a gentleman. I do not touch her, as that is inappropriate." He clamped his lips somewhat in thought. "Am I wrong to do so? We are often in the presence of servants or knights and ladies-in-waiting and I cannot use physical affection with their eyes upon me." He downcast his gaze, dreading the words that would come from Sebastian now.

[Lord Sebastian de Winter]

"So, on the on hand, you feel you that you must keep yourself rigidly under control, but on the other, there is a part of you that does not want to hold back," Sebastian nodded thoughtfully and then smiled at him. "It is possible that you are keeping yourself too much in check around the woman. You are going to be surrounded by people for the rest of your life. However," he raised a finger, "I'm certain it is possible that you can find a way to be alone with her with her retinue close at hand. Out of sight, but not out of mind, as it were. That way, you will not have to put on a show for the others and you can focus on being yourself with her."

The smile shrank a little, "I also imagine you must feel as though you are under a tremendous amount of pressure."

[Prince Nikolai Fyodorov]

"Exactly." Nikolai sighed. "What would you do if you were in my situation? Perhaps I need blinders on my face in order to ignore the onlookers. It is a far different situation with discussing matters of the state than having a conversation with a woman, especially if it is my wife. To make matters worse, what if our private conversations just worsen? Time nor courage is my friend."

Who was he around women? No one very interesting. "Indeed." He curled his fingers into a fist and stretched them out again as negative thoughts swarmed his head. "Perhaps they have the wrong man for the job."

[Lord Sebastian de Winter]

The question had him thinking for a long moment, gazing into his brandy with a pensive expression. Sebastian had never been in this situation before. What would his father say? What would Jasen suggest? Or Christopher, his mother or Katalin have to say about it? Nikolai was facing a situation that Sebastian had never been through himself... to a point. Hearing him speak of Emma made him think of his Silver Lady.

"You will have to make them your allies, if not your friends," Sebastian suddenly found himself saying. "Before we decide if you're the wrong man for the job, we may have to take this head on. I think the best you can do is find a way to be alone with her and be yourself. Don't constrain yourself. If you want this woman to be a part of your life, then you will have to open yourself up to her. Faint heart never won the lady."

[Prince Nikolai Fyodorov]

What Nikolai needed now was someone who did not judge and useful suggestions, both of which Sebastian seemed to have. Being an ally was something he could do for Emmaline and vice versa. He did not understand why Sebastian said the last part.

"I am myself with her," he said. Oh, constraining himself. Easier said than done. "If she even wants to be alone with me. Feigning confidence when I have no experience in this matter is one of the more difficult tasks." People could say be a man, crush fears underneath his foot and just move on, but he was afraid. Cowardice was almost a sin and he was guilty for feeling this way.

He narrowed his eyes. "Open myself up to her? In what way? You can be assured that nothing interesting lies underneath the surface." Irritation bubbled under the surface of his skin -- probably because at this moment, he believed himself lacking.

[Lord Sebastian de Winter]

Sebastian sighed and looked down. Nikolai was growing irritated, but he had to wonder just what was causing the irritation. "... Why are you so harsh with yourself, Nikolai?" The question came out of him, his lips contorting into a frown. "You are a good man. I've seen this for myself. You are knowledgeable, you have plans for your kingdom that I find admirable and you seem confident in those plans. And yet, when it comes to this marriage, all of that seems to go away."

The glass was set down, "It all boils down to one question: why? Why are you hard on yourself?"

[Prince Nikolai Fyodorov]

Nikolai sighed, wishing that he had a better explanation for his behavior. Explaining himself sounded pathetic and he hated sounding that way. "Inexperience," he stated. "I desire my interactions to go well the first time around." He sighed and poured himself another glass of brandy. What is most frustrating is that I believed everything with the princess was going well, despite a couple of missteps."

"Knowing I made a mistake is bad enough, but others telling me I made it?" Nik frowned. "I was always taught that good manners were one of the most important aspects in a relationship."

[Lord Sebastian de Winter]

"Ah, so do we all." He smiled wistfully at the desire that all conversations should go well the first time. He knew exactly how Nikolai felt. It was difficult to overcome. "Bah," Sebastian suddenly blurted out and then rubbed his face. "There is a reason there is yet to be a definitive treatise on how relationships should work or how they should go, especially if it's an arranged marriage. You'll get a bevy of thoughts and opinions on the matter."

Sebastian frowned for a moment, "You're right it is. Trust. Respect. Compromise. Understanding. Those are all the most important aspects of any relationship. I can't help but wonder if there has been some misunderstanding or crossed signals during a few of your encounters. I'm going to be surprised if she is struggling through this as much as you are." He suddenly chuckled, "I mean, to tell you the truth, Nikolai, no one in the kingdom had any idea you were coming until a few weeks before your arrival. Isn't that odd?"

[Prince Nikolai Fyodorov]

The problem with confidence was that it was too easy to knock it down and so difficult to build back up, especially if confidence with women was linked to experience. He should still be all right if Princess Emmaline had not complained to anyone. To be honest, Nikolai had hoped that Sebastian was shyer than him with regards to women and it didn't seem to be that way. "Everyone has their own opinion, it is true. So much importance on a single man and woman. I thought I was able to handle the pressure -- no, I was sure I could." He muttered a particularly strong curse in his native language. Now he had admitted more than he wanted to Sebastian and if word ever got out that he was a pathetic man who threatened to crack under pressure, he'd be ruined.

With any luck, that would go without saying. "No doubt a misunderstanding. If anything is wrong at all. Perhaps it is only in our heads. It is difficult to say." Discovering that one was to be married to another person in a few weeks was tough and he sighed. "That is very odd. I think, then, that the wedding should be postponed."